i just heard the most intense scream in my kitchen so i got up to see what was wrong and my 11 year old sister was on the floor cuddling a bag of potato chips and i said dude whats wrong and she yelled ”THEYRE STALE. WHY DOES THE WOLRD HATE ME? I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS”
is that a watermelon on the floor
no its her sister omg dont be so rude
to the haters who told me it was impossible to heat 5 pounds of mashed potatoes in the microwave on a giant plate, well, you were wrong…. to all my faithful companions who supported me along the way, success never tasted so delicious
the more sexual and inappropriate you are with me the better we’ll get along
"fat girls shouldn’t—"
—have to deal with your narrow minded bullshit.
when your friend curses in front of your parents
i hate how you’re just born out of nowhere and you’re forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job what if i wanted to be a duck
you: that is a nice ass shirt
me: thank you but, to be honest, its called “pants” and not an “ass shirt”
team i can’t do math for shit but i can write a 3 page english paper in less than an hour